The Police Academy Heptalogy (1984 - 1994) 

 

Starring: Steve Guttenberg, Bubba Smith, David Graf, Michael Winslow, George Gaynes, G.W. Bailey, Leslie Easterbrook, Marion Ramsey, Bruce Mahler, Bobcat Goldthwait, Tim Kazurinsky, Lance Kinsey, George R. Robertson, Mat McCoy, Art Metrano; with Kim Cattrall, David Spade, Sharon Stone, Kenneth Mars and Christopher Lee 

 

 

When the Los Angeles Police Academy relaxes its application parameters, a group of mismatched misfits sign up for training, each with a dream of graduating to become gold standard enforcers of the law. 

 

Discovering both inner strength and the ability to work as a team, all while finding a new family along the way, these recruits defy expectation, prejudice and snobbery, becoming the best cops the city has ever known. 

 

All this, plus fart jokes. 

 

How can a series of films as successful as these, featuring deeply iconic characters, instantly memorable situations, inventive visual jokes and clever, crafty zingers be so forgotten, lambasted and derided?    Well, because they’re not very good. 

 

And yet. 

 

Baby-faced, wise-ass Mahony (Guttenberg), gentle giant Hightower (Smith), gun-loving Tackleberry (Graf), munchkin with a mouth Hooks (Ramsey), man of a million sounds Jones (Winslow) and bully-blowhard extraordinaire Harris (Bailey) to name just a few, the Academy films for better or worse have made an indelible imprint on our (pop) culture. 

 

From the instantly evocative theme tune, to the inherently fun and boisterous tone, nothing stays in your mind like this series of films.

 

As a whole, these films are weak, shoddy, hasty and ill-conceived, not to mention painfully dated.   

 

And yet. 

 

When it’s bad, it’s awful. When it’s good, it’s middling.  And when it’s funny, it’s hit and miss at best. 

 

And. Yet. 

 

So join us for an epic, in-depth and no doubt badly judged chat about seven films, countless characters and probably eighteen booby jokes. 

 

Sound like a terrible idea?  Oh, it is. 

 

And yet. And yet.  And yet. 

​

 

Harris: You make me sick. 

Mahoney: Thank you, sir. I make everybody sick. 

 

Zed: People just don't understand me. 

Laura: Maybe if you talk slower... 

Zed: No, I mean who I am. Man, now I gotta worry about my diction too? 

 

Tackleberry: You want to become one with the gun. Feel the gun, caress the gun until it's a living, breathing, vibrating extension of yourself. 

Mahoney: I look for the same in a woman. 

 

(after Jones makes a courtroom think Harris has farted) 

Proctor: Gee, sir, I thought you could only get contempt of court for opening your mouth!